Paralysed with guilt upon realization that I have missed my godson's birthday by nearly a week. Tried lying on sofa with fingers in ears murmuring ham sah but can't say it helped. Will send money - more than his mother (my best friend) would like. Even if she hates me briefly, he'll think I'm cool.

Busy with everyone else's crap today, literally. Cleaning out hen house (regret giving curried lentils 2 days ago, they didn't much agree with the humans either). Cleaning out human house (loos) so will be able to pee and breathe at same time. Cleaning cat's pee from car (grrr - husband left car window open overnight) so will be able to drive and breathe. The latter is important as even the school run's long enough to asphyxiate you. May actually die on way to tonight's Dutch class as it's a 15-minute drive.